This weeks guest, Alice Chera, PCC, is a Certified Life Coach & Consultant.

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Transcript

All right. Welcome to the driving with Jeff show. So happy you could join us today. And you’re gonna be lucky it did because we have a magnificent, amazing guest today. None other than Alice Ciara. Little bit about Alice. So Alice is a certified life coach, speaker, writer, discussion facilitator in practice in 2008. She empowers adults and teens through private coaching, corporate coaching, and vision mapping workshops. Alice guides individuals to wellness and scientifically proven Mind Body techniques to reduce stress, build confidence and live a life of meaning and purpose. Alice gives workshops in a variety of corporate, educational and institutional settings. Her workshops focus on building self awareness, emotional intelligence, and the mindset techniques for a life of more calm, clarity, and joy. In 2020, Alice began leading monthly virtual wellness sessions with JP Morgan in their chases women on the move series, sessions that encourage mindfulness to cope with change, build resilience, and process trouble. This does not say 10% of what this woman is and what she’s capable and what she’s been able to do with our clients. And in our practice. I’m just blessed to have her on the show today, it’s going to be chock full of information. Stuff about Alice, how she does what she does, with amazing tidbits, tools, techniques, and stuff that we can’t we all need to listen to, to get that balance in our lives so that we can live our better selves. So I’m so excited to get her on the show. Let’s go pick her up. You’re gonna love this show. Let’s get her Okay, here we go. Pick it up. Alice. All righty. Here she is. Sit tight. Buckle in. We’re going to drive with Alice. Alice.

Unknown 2:27
Wow, how are you? I’m great. So good to see you. Mrs. Hang on, we put

Unknown 2:33
the little biting citizens.

Unknown 2:36
A lot of excitement for a Monday morning.

Unknown 2:40
Driving with Jeff show.

Unknown 2:42
Thank you. What a pleasure. Yeah, thank you

Unknown 2:45
for being on the show. Love it. Love what you’re doing. Thank you.

Unknown 2:48
This is fantastic. Appreciate it.

Unknown 2:50
I appreciate it. So truth be told, I got to tell some people. Something about Alice. So about 14 years ago, I was going through my own bottle. Bottom line. If you’ve read my book, you know that my body my life was totaled. My life was totaled. As I was rebuilding, I’d call my buddy AB Ciera. And he mentioned that Alice was doing some coaching and some some life coaching and this kind of stuff and doing these vision boards. Susan said, that sounded interesting vision boards. What does that? So he told me a little bit and I spoke to Allison, I asked him would you help me. But then a nanosecond came to my house. We got magazines. We did boys and I want to tell everybody, we have a magician in the car. We made four boards with her guidance, cutting up pieces and doing stuff and guiding me through it. And I have to tell you, they all came true.

Unknown 3:48
I crazy. I know. Raizy

Unknown 3:51
Oh, of course. Enough about me Enough about me.

Unknown 3:54
Well, I think though I have to say what you I remember that day. Summertime, I remember the floorboards. I remembered the detail. I remember your like enthusiasm for it. And then as we continued, you know, in our friendships with, you know, our respect of others, and I got to watch your life change. I was like, everything that he put on this board is happening crazy, really. And it’s really, you know, which is why I do what I do. Because I know that everybody has their own answers. I know it even if you think you don’t have it. It’s in there. I know it.

Unknown 4:39
I know you know it. So let’s ask a question. Let’s pull over a second away as the first question. I’m going to draw Okay, I want to get it right. Okay. A lot of traffic over here. Tons of people walking. Okay. So when was it a pivotal point in your life and in life’s journey that you know when you hit could be a pothole accident. He tore, you know, what did you do to drive through it? What was the lesson? And what, as a result of this pivot? What happened?

Unknown 5:10
It’s a great question. It’s a great question. And I think it’s going to totally contradict what I just said about everybody having their own answers. But here it is. I was a mother of four married community, you know, doing the community woman thing at the time. And for my age range, women were not working as much they were starting to the younger. Yes, yes. So it was about 15 years ago. And my youngest was in second grade. And I was like, you know, what did I like, I felt like something was missing. I was like, What haven’t I done in my life? You know, I should be happy. I have the kids. I have the husband. This is Yes, yes. You’re the house there. And sure enough. I was like, I never went to college. So I went back to school, I went to Brooklyn College. And my English one. Professor said, You’re a writer. And I said, No, no, no, you’re a writer. I’m telling you, your writer. So that was like one pivotal moment, where and so I thought I knew myself totally. And now I find that I’m a writer, my professor says to me, you should be a counselor of some sort. And people kept telling me, you, what are you doing? I said, Oh, I’m an English major problem, cause you should be working with people. My story is that I thought I knew everything there was to know about Alice. And then I started to discover that there was so much more.

Unknown 6:44
You took the leap, and you started to listen. So when you met me, you’re listening, listen, but maybe you weren’t acting on it right away. Versus you’re gonna be a writer, you’re like, looking around with like, ah, like, I’ve heard these kinds of things like me what?

Unknown 6:58
Yes, yeah.

Unknown 7:00
And here you are. Right. 15 years later, professional. Colleague, by the way, colleagues, yes, kids.

Unknown 7:09
And what’s the lesson for you? Like, what’s the law? You went through this? Never looking back on it? The lesson is, like, what would you say would be the biggest lesson as you had listened to this?

Unknown 7:18
Yeah. Yeah. What would you learn lesson? What did I learn? Well, I learned without a doubt that I have a very, what we call huge saboteur inner critic. My fiancee driving exactly right in the backseat, exactly. Always there gets in the car with me, comes to every class I get. He’s there.

Unknown 7:44
And talking from personal experience. In other words, you’re telling someone not because you read in a book, but they say, Now talk in front of somebody and saying, Well, I get where you’re coming from. And here’s what works. So tell me something. So, you know, you work with tons of clients. So we want to give some people some good stuff, like what’s the key ingredient to make them, but to help them? You know, be learned, be more were to become better versions of themselves? What would you tell them? What are the key ingredients?

Unknown 8:19
Right? It’s just right here for me, I don’t even have to think twice. Be good to yourself. Don’t fight with yourself. Get on your own side, actually. But it’s really at the end of the day, Jeff, don’t you think it’s how we relate to ourselves? I know, for me, I don’t want to, you know, you really should take care of that thing over anyway, you really should be doing this by now. I don’t grow from that place. Gotcha. I know. So it’s more like, alright, I haven’t done it yet. And this is, this is what I have to do with my coaches, my mentors, the people that I connect with, and you know, to be able to sit with myself and say, Alright, I’m feeling a little nervous about this, or I haven’t done this yet. Or I’m procrastinating. What’s going on? You know, and even in my tone of voice, I think we maybe you could hear it’s different than what’s going on? What’s wrong with Right, right, right, right writing of making ourselves wrong for everything. Rather than opening up the space inside of ourselves, being good to ourselves, getting honest with ourselves, getting the help we need, getting the assistance we need, at times not doing it alone. And I know you talk a lot about the mind body component. Like how do we do that? Help us like I could tell you how I guess I can tell you I can tell you how I do it. So you know what I do as a coach is I help people mountain the principles of what I do. I have three principles foundation for what I do as a coach. You heard me say you know the answers are within but the first principle is knowing yourself really knowing who you are, like, are you doing that thing? Because everyone else is doing it? Or do you want to do it? What do you like to do? Who are you, you know, in the bigger collective Who are you so really knowing yourself. And that also means like knowing what you need in any given moment. So we can have all that self knowledge about ourselves. But the second principle, which I think is really important is being grounded. Knowing how to ground yourself, when you’re, there’s pressure, when there’s stress. When your family moves in for the summer, and everybody’s fighting, when your friend doesn’t

Unknown 10:38
show up the towel on the floor. He did this could be simple stuff. And then there’s Oh, there’s all kinds of stuff going on inside and Oh, my God, he drowned. Exactly. And

Unknown 10:47
I call that like, when the smoke detector, oh, he’s going off in your head and the alarm is going off. And at this point, you know, there’s not a fire, but you can hear under the noise. So it’s like, what do I need to do in this moment, to ground myself? And that, to me, is usually simple, simple, but harder in practice, which is to I need to step out of the house for a minute. When you talk around the corner, I need to take a breath. Do I need to call someone who understands me? Do I need to not engage with this person? If I’m feeling like the person I love and nothing good is going to come out of this conversation. So it’s on me and I think it’s on all of us to hit the pause button. Exactly. You have to postpone but now with that to listen. What do I need in this moment? Is this right like you said

Unknown 11:41
take a pause. You know things are going on the kids interrupted that but Baptiste stuffs going on the food? Is this the grocery they don’t have to hit the pause. What is the question? What do I need?

Unknown 11:54
Yeah, where am I? Where am I? Exactly where

Unknown 11:59
it could be? Where am I? I’m crying. I’m doing my head’s going. Great.

Unknown 12:06
That’s okay. Yes. Yeah. 100

Unknown 12:08
It’s okay. Don’t don’t judge yourself. Name and name

Unknown 12:12
it. We just name it. Oh, furious, or disappointed. Frustrated. Or it could be you know, again, you naming it could be happy. Oh my goodness, I’m in a good mood today. I’m energized. But in other words, what you know, it’s hitting the pause button in that moment. But I’m a firm believer in getting up every day, checking in with yourself having some kind of morning routine, if it’s a walk, if you sit with yourself, if you meditate, if you whatever it is something that allows you to connect with you and say, Hello, today, where am I? I feel good, too. I feel a little something bothering me from the weekend. You know, a lot of

Unknown 12:54
so sit still some because some stillness, whatever that might be. Yes. And just kind of let it unfold inside of you. Where am I at? You know? Whatever. Yes. And just looking at non judgmentally. Right. And then what do we do?

Unknown 13:09
Yes. Okay. Well, here’s the thing. We need tools. So here are the tools. Okay, first of all know your tools. How many people I’m sure you know, this is a lot of people that maybe have a DD? I know you’re ADHD. I know. You just had a fabulous guest. Oh

Unknown 13:24
my goodness. Right.

Unknown 13:26
Exactly. So to tell somebody like that you should sit down and meditate. That person may know, this is the knowing part. I can’t sit still it’s very hard for me. Okay. Well, where do you connect to yourself? I remember talking to a runner once and she’s like, my zone is when I’m running. That’s when I calm down. So the key is to know yourself.

Unknown 13:49
Try try things right choices. My question like if you don’t know yourself, like it versus discover you tell him maybe try some different things.

Unknown 13:56
I will 100% When I tell when I work with people and I say listen, I am a big to me, meditation was a game changer. To me, journaling is one of the most powerful tools there are to just either, you know, defuse some of the emotions, get some clarity, anything, because what if I will? If a client says to me, I just can’t journal? So I’ll say to them, have you tried? Yeah, I can’t do it. So what what can you do what works for you to calm you down,

Unknown 14:29
but in some cases that you if you know that something would work for somebody, they’re uncomfortable doing it? And we do nudge them a little bit? Because I have found that the journaling part as far as unedited journaling, what I’m going through stuff and I just write no editorial, just writing, writing, writing. I find it to be like, Wow, yeah, you know, wow, I just feel getting this stuff. I guess holding this stuff in my head is a bad thing to do. I can’t fix something that’s in my head. I

Unknown 14:56
mean, no, no, you know what they say about being alone in our own heads. Well, as I say, it’s like being out walking in a bad neighborhood. Or sometimes right?

Unknown 15:05
Sometimes can be very bad neighborhood sitting in your own head, ruminating about the stuff

Unknown 15:12
exactly. And guess what, it’s not all or nothing black or white, which is why I encourage checking in with yourself day to day because on a good day, it’s great to be in my head. So dreams, I have visions, I have things I want to do people I love. But on a stressful day, if I’m alone in my head, and this stuff is swimming, my inner critic is going to tell me, I’ve made all the wrong choices. What’s wrong with me? I should be able to fix this do that fix? No. And so the journaling, like you said, is a tool to take it out of my head. And I tell people all the time, right and rip, you don’t have to it’s not from writing again.

Unknown 15:50
This is not a blog post of the New York Times.

Unknown 15:54
Well, you can’t to find on the right right.

Unknown 15:56
Then you can you want to sell I want to sell my kids exams. Okay, you can write it don’t do it. Don’t do exam baby.

Unknown 16:05
You know what? I think people are scared, Jeff of what’s going to find, right? Yeah, like people are so judgmental of themselves. I’m a bad person. Yes, I shouldn’t. Like you said sell your kid, I shouldn’t want to sell my human we all have those ditches feelings, right? But if we don’t get them out, I find they end up coming out sideways and clobbering somebody over the head. Right? Like

Unknown 16:29
could be as simple as the barista in front of you or a family member or business situation. Show you gotta get it sounds like what you’re saying is fine. What’s right for you to get this inner critic this, this, this negative thoughts or whatever these uncomfortable thoughts all call them? To bring them to surface? Yeah. So that they could possibly dissipate. So maybe you could show up?

Unknown 16:53
100% Yes, without a doubt, without a doubt, this is Fanta and it’s knowing how to do that. And I find that it’s, it looks different. For me self care. And I know that those terms get thrown around a lot. They become cliche, but I think you know, just like knowing what works for you. And, you know, for me self care is some days I need to get out and take the walk. It’s the only thing that’s gonna, you know, or just I need to get out of the house, you know, because it’s upside down. Or on other days, it’s, you know, I need to be, you know, home, you know, let’s say the family’s doubts on this self care is staying home, staying in my sweatpants, watching a sitcom, having a laugh. You know, maybe it’s meditating, maybe it’s not seeing people the next day self care might be Oh, my God, this feels

Unknown 17:47
to be doo doo doo. Now everybody’s running to doo doo doo, I gotta go to my yoga class. Which is good X. But sometimes we need to maybe hit W saying hit that pause button and just do a self reflection cup of coffee cup of tea, sit on the porch and just do be with yourself.

Unknown 18:03
That’s it. That’s it. And I have to say, Jeff, isn’t that it’s, it’s a practice. I think it’s one of the hardest things for so many of us, is to just be able to slow down and be with ourselves. And I think in the beginning, it’s hard. It’s hard. Because we have our inner critics was the old we’re

Unknown 18:22
just screaming Yeah, that’s not gonna work that But Bob

Unknown 18:25
Weir is everybody. Why aren’t you invited? How can you go? What’s happening? You know, aren’t you going to get to this, you know, this thing for your business? Everyone’s on Instagram. It’s relentless. But if we could sit with ourselves and hear that and say, Alright, are these folks helping me? Are they calming me? Are they grounding me? Or are they making me more nervous?

Unknown 18:49
So it sounds that what you’re saying? And the big picture here? Is this, this inner critic that could talk and make us incessant and make us crazy? Start to get familiar with it. Listen to it. And slowly, slowly, don’t let it ruin your life.

Unknown 19:07
100%. Again, you know what, in the beginning, I think the misconception is, is that when we realize we have an inner critic, what do we want to do? We want to banish it. We want to get rid of it. We don’t want it to run our lives. Send it out it exactly. So when we do, but what happens is is we empower it. And Liz Gilbert, Elizabeth Gilbert, she wrote she did Eat Pray Love, but she has a book called Big Magic. And it’s about how to magic Big Magic how to be your name again. Elizabeth Gilbert, pick it up. Okay, okay. So actually pick up this chapter. She’s this is all about being a creative, but she has a chapter called The road trip. And she says if I want to live a good expansive life, a life that I’m really being I am really making boundaries. I’m making hard decisions. I’m doing the things I love. I’m getting creative, I’m exploring. She says I have to accept that I have an inner critic. So she calls us the road trip. And what she says is she lets the critic come with her because anytime we’re going to do to do something new Jeff, we know this as coaches. It’s going to look into this stuff, right? So she says, okay, fear, she caught it. She calls it on electricals the the critical fear but it’s called a road trip. And she says, Take your take it with you. But it sits in the back of

Unknown 20:32
the car doesn’t drive doesn’t drive driving with Jeff, don’t let the inner critic Dr. Zack layout, the

Unknown 20:38
professional is telling us don’t let the inner critic drive it

Unknown 20:40
is exactly which is what you do. Right. She says, you know, you get to sit in the back, you get to coach

Unknown 20:45
okay to be there. But don’t drive the car. Exactly. And

Unknown 20:49
you know what she says? She says, you don’t get to tell us where to go. You don’t get to work the GPS and you don’t even get to play with the radio stations. This is fantastic. So in other words, we learned to have a little understanding and compassion for which again, I know you know this right. We get to have compassion for but we don’t have to banish it. It’s part of our humanity. It’s there to keep us safe. Right? Right, right. It’s really there. It just wants. It’s like no, do you really want to do that. But depending on who we are, and

Unknown 21:20
sometimes we let it run amok its own house, I can’t thank you enough. This is what that wouldn’t information. This is. This is chock full of data information to help guide thought, Oh, my God. And again, I really can’t thank you enough for helping me get on the road from my vision boards, which was unbelievable. I think you will recall them mapping things now.

Unknown 21:44
What do they call them? The Vision map

Unknown 21:47
vision map. So I love the vision map, because my vision map has helped me to get him to sit here with one of my mentors in this world of coaching to do what I do to do we do so this is an amazing show. Wow. What a pleasure to have you on the show. Thank you. So I’m gonna enjoy you.

Unknown 22:08
I know you I know you get to close the show. But I want to I want to show I know. I know. I’m sorry. I want to thank you for being a powerful example to all of us that really, there is the dreaming and the wishing and the wanting and the doing but there’s actually putting it into action and putting yourself out there and you’re doing it and we need to see other people doing it and talking the truth about when it gets hard and also talking the truth about how possible it is. So thanks for being there for all of us.

Unknown 22:35
Thank you for being on the show. Thank you. Bye, folks.

After burning through millions of dollars and taking his hands off the wheel of life, Jeff Sitt crashed to his lowest, personally and professionally. Amidst that wreckage, the former CEO and 40-year entrepreneur who built companies and achieved incredible financial success has created a unique approach to leadership development. Jeff now helps others make better business decisions and improvements to their company culture, guiding them to attain small increases in freedom that deliver high degrees of success. Find out more at jeffsitt.com.